TECH-NO-LO-GY

TECH-NO-LO-GY

Ok I admit it I am a technological MORON big time. Anything more complicated than sending an email makes my hands sweat and everything else too. Do you remember Napoleon Dynamite’s brother in the movie?  He sang that song about technology during their wedding to that great black chick he was marrying.  I need him as a personal tutor. If  I was really savvy I would u-tube that video and post it here.  It was awesome.

BLOGGING

 As I was looking in to starting a blog and looking at the different templates etc on the internet I had a hotflash and had to PAUSE and fan myself.  It was awesome and a little freaky and it made me smirk.  Actually what I did was go to the freezer and get out my trusty handy dandy HOTFLASH EXTINGUISHER  that I got for Christmas from my fabulous son.  It is a lifesaver and really does extinguish hot flashes.  The person that helped me the most was my son’s girlfriend Ky who lives in Chapel Hill.  She is awesome and is a technology wizard. (She’s 17) While I was setting up my blog she facebook messaged me and in the course of our conversation she offered to help me.  She has been blogging for a long time. At the same time she was skyping with my son so he brought his laptop  downstairs and she walked me through some stuff  by bringing up her dashboard on her computer screen, (while skyping) and moving the curser around while I was on my computer doing the same on my dashboard.  ARE YOU CATCHING ALL OF THIS?

SMARTPHONES

NO!  I don’t want a smartphone- I am too dumb!  Or is it actually that a smart phone is for technologically dumb people like me to make them smarter?  Or is it that you are really snappy and smart if you have a smartphone?  Or maybe dumb people just look smarter if they have one?   I know what you are all thinking-“don’t be so dumb, Denise, smart people do get smartphones.”  So if  I don’t want to be  eating technological dust  I better just cave and get one.  Nevermind  that it will stress me out and give me umpteen hot flashes.  Is there an app for that? 

MY MOM

My mom is amazing in so many ways.  I will blog more later about her raising seven kids and canning 100 quarts each of every vegetable every summer .  (can you say kohlrabi?) When I told my 83 year old mom I was starting a blog, this is how the conversation went:

MOM:Did you say blob?

ME:No Mom, BLOG.

MOM:Well, Denise you are a little overweight but You are no BLOB.

ME:No Mom, a BLOG, it is when you write stuff and kind of publish it on the computer for others to see.

MOM:Like that Facebook thing all the kids are doing?

ME:Well, kind of, you can make comments on a blog too.

MOM:Well I am still pretty upset that I never got any good pictures of  Blair’s wedding.  You all could see them on the computer but I don’t have a computer.

ME:Mom, let’s not go there, Maryellen and I both printed off lots of pictures and gave them to you.  Also Kathy will be sending you some professionally done ones.

MOM:Well I just don’t understand all of this computer stuff.  Who would want to look at pictures on a computer?  And by the way what is texting? 

ME:uhhh…..well……maybe I will explain that another time.

MENTORS

Sometimes it seems like technology is like studying God’s Word.  I love it, but it can be confusing.  Sometimes you need someone wiser than you to help you with it.  That’s what mentors are for.  In Sunday School we are currently studying the book of  Hebrews.  That book of the bible is extremely awesome, but can be a little dicey.  That is why I am eternally grateful that my husband is teaching all of us. He is pretty wise about Scripture.  If you are confused about technology or the Bible or anything else- get someone to help you.  We are all in this living life thing together. Ya know?

Holy Cow! I just saw on facebook that there is a new app for Smartphones to diagnosis malaria with a drop of  blood.  WHAT IN THE CATHAIR?

new year, new blog!

OK time to face the music fellow baby boomers:  were are getting old. And because more than half of us born between 1946-1964 are women, there is a whole lot of flashing going on- menopause  with a capitol M. 

 You may be pre, mid, or  post   (this has nothing to do with the biblical rapture)– but nothing  about menopause is a piece of cake.    

Yes I am staring a blog about this topic.  No- it is not going to be about the drugs or hormones you can take to get thru it (although I am in favor of all those things)

I plan to simply discuss what it is like to be a 50 or 60 something woman.  Newsflash: menopause is a huge part of this.  I will blog about menopause, aging, womanhood, my faith, or anything else that feels a-ok.  Please come with me on this journey:  comment- scream- yell -cry -laugh or whisper .  Yup I have all of those inklings in a 3 second span of time.  We will discuss not just surviving the aging process- but thriving- and giving back. According to Erik Erikson’s developmental aging theory- giving back is exactly what we should be doing right now.   So c’mon you women in MY BOAT…lets  talk …and just a little FYI for you 20- 30-40 something women-IF YOU READ MY BLOG- you may understand your mom a little better- and…… your futureJ 

MENOPAUSE the Musical

When I was in my late 40’s, I met my four sisters in NYC for a fun weekend. We went to a couple of Broadway plays including “Menopause the Musical”.  And while it was cute and fun to see, I remember thinking: “what an exaggeration, menopause is not that bad” .  A couple of the characters were sweating profusely with moisture dripping down to their chins.  At that point in time, while I think I was starting menopause,   my hot flashes were not that severe. I kept thinking- “sure girls- you are really good at singing these 60’s- 70’s songs,  but c’mon  ya’ll need a medal for the menopause faking!”

Now, in my late 50’s- I’m here to say: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! This disease is akin to a biblical plague!   I want to find those women actors in the play that night and apologize profusely.  Maybe someday I will.

GLOBAL  WARMING

 I don’t need a scientist to tell me why we are having global warming.  How many menopausal baby boomer women do you think are flashing at the same time? Probably enough to set fire to the Pacific rim “Ring of Fire”  three times over again.  I think we’re pretty lucky we have any glaciers left at all. The North and South Pole might be safe for awhile, but there are more of us boomers heading into menopause daily.  The poles may turn into a huge heated swimming pool soon.

CAT HAIR

My mother in law (God rest her soul) Used to say “What in the cat hair?”  It was kind of like saying “what in the world” or maybe,  “what in the sam hill”  I’m not sure where she got it from and I really don’t care.  I just like it.  So I say it. whenever I am amazed, or have to scratch my head, or marvel.  Sometimes when I pray.  Lately I have been saying to my God….ummmm Lord, about this menopause  thing?  What in the CATHAIR?”