Thursday, September 27, 2012

Adult Content: under 50 forbidden to read!

WHOOPS!  I meant to say SENIOR adult content.  OK, even if you are under 50, go ahead and read on:)


Being older has a few advantages, I gotta say. 

And a lot of adventures too. 

The other day I was driving along in my car, listening to sports talk as I usually do, and out of the corner of my eye, I got a glimpse of a white hair on my cheek.  For a moment I thought it was an eyelash, so I tried to wipe it off several times, but to no avail.  It was bugging me so much, that when I got home I went right to my bathroom mirror (where I can see better) to have a look, and there spiraling out like a twizzler from the side of my nose was a major white facial hair!!  Can I say:

 What in the WHITE Cat Hair? 

I got my tweezers out and got rid of it faster than Bud can eat a whole package of twizzlers- (and that’s fast) 


Never mind what I do with Sally Hansen products to my chin about every other week. 


Elderly adventures galore.

 I have already told my daughters if they allow me to grow a white beard when I am in the nursing home in a few years:) - they will be in HUGE trouble!

Mel, you are looking pretty nutty with your white beard....

Last week my elbow swelled up the size of a golf ball for no reason.  Say What? 

  I sleep with about 5 pillows propping up different parts of my body.  THAT is an adventure every night!

“The Expendables”  is a movie about old guys blowing things up, killing people, and  pretty much being way cool even though they are over 60.

 Really guys?   Sly Stallone and the boys should really stick to having adventures on the golf course.  The movie was  abysmal. 

Now there is a sequel with Arnie- even worse.

  Tim and his posse have plenty of adventures  out there with trees, birds, water, and keeping their golf carts upright.  It’s all good.

But enough about elderly adventures-  Lets talk about ADVANTAGES to being a little older.

Whenever there is anything heavy to lift around the house- my son knows I will play the “I’m too old” card. …. Rightfully so, he needs to do the heavy lifting.

 The other day I missed the deadline for something I needed to sign up for, and I pleaded old and forgetful (which was true).   The youngster I was dealing with asked me what my “EXCUSE” was for being late.  When I told him truthfully I forgot, he said, Ok, my mom forgets stuff too. … SCORE!

When you are old, people allow you to say outrageous stuff you never would have gotten away with when you were younger.  ER Sieges (Tim’s father, God rest his soul) was the most outrageous and fascinating  character I knew.  He was the original armchair preacher, and you better NOT move out of your barca-lounger until he was done. Sometimes he would go on for hours, with his cowboy boots kicked off, a Marlboro hanging out the side of his mouth, one eye closed, and the bible falling off of his lap.

 It was a darn good thing he was good at it.  

He reminded me in many ways of the original Marlboro man.

Other times he would just tell amazing stories about the good old days.    No one knows if the stories were true or not.

 No one really cared, they were great stories.

 Nowadays, for me, I am not that timid about my faith.

 I don’t have that much longer to share with folks about my Jesus, and what He means to me.  I guess you could say I am becoming more like ER, and proud of it.

 While I try to do this with gentleness and respect, if someone gets offended by my straightforward

 “You gotta get right with God”  attitude,

it is not that I don’t care, but more that I am feeling the urgency, in the time I have left,  

 to share the most important thing in MY life with friends, family, and loved ones, this side of Heaven.

Besides, I am old, I can say what’s on my mind:)

OK you dinosaurs- get on out there and have some elderly adventures- and work a little something to your advantage.

 It’s all in good fun.

 You have been rambling around this earth for a good long time now- you deserve more perks than just the AARP discount at the early chicken fried steak dinner.       .

Lastly, I could not resist this cartoon- please pardon the little bit of French….  I know you will forgive me

after all

 I’m OLD.

 the original senior moment....
and that is what happened to the dinosaurs

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Fifty Shades of WHAT IN THE CAT HAIR??

It has come to my attention there is something going on out there with mommys. 

Not only mommys, but single women, and grannys too.   

Heaven forbid, but probably teenagers too.

*I want to make it CLEAR right now that I will not mention any particular piece of literature (really? is that what you call it?)

*I also want to make it clear that I have not read, or do NOT plan to read, the a fore  NON-mentioned piece of writing.

*I am not shy about talking about sex- ( I grew up in the 70’s fer cryin out loud) I am NO PRUDE. 

 I may be old, but I am NOT dead.

Over the last few weeks as I have done a fair bit of research, pouring over reviews, (Goodreads, NYTimes, USA today, and others)  and I have also interviewed many  in regard to this non-issue I am addressing today:)


What in the cathair???

How many times am I allowed say  


To say I am perplexed is an understatement.
To say I am disturbed is closer to the truth.
To say I am disgusted covers it.

Disgusted with, and ashamed of the women who would subject themselves to ridiculously laughable  “mommy porn”,

*that objectifies women,
*allows for physical and emotional abuse of women, 
*places women in subjection and bondage to men  
*makes harlequin romances novels look like Pulitzer Prize winners, and as tame as  "Winnie the Pooh"

gee whiz Eeyore, that's trashy!
*and has a male main character whose main goal in life is to CONTROL women, sexually, emotionally,  and physically.

 “A fun read”?  “Twilight with sex”?  “Harmless  fantasy”?

 uhhhhh ……think again

There is NO gray area here, let alone 50 shades. 

 This is pure black and white.


ANYONE who actually read the non-mentioned book, and enjoyed it, has more diagnosable personality disorder problems than the DSM-4  Diagnostic Manual can count.

  Trust me, I know this, I am married to a counselor.

Ironically, I heard about this NON-MENTIONED 3 book series last summer while at church with some other older women packing lunches for a youth mission trip.   HA.     Before that I had never heard of any shades of grey, orange, red or purple, let alone 50.

1.Most Christian women I talked to who had read the book, in their defense said they did not like it.  Touted as something that “can help spice up your sex life with your husband”. They told me it did not help but hindered.

2.Most non- Christian women I talked to did not like it either, they thought it was laughable,  or they were horrified at the emotional/sexual abuse.  Most reviews were very negative.

3.Most men I talked to were just as perplexed as me.  They did not “get” the attraction

4.Again I am perplexed.   I am sorry?… who bought this book? 

 Bottom Line: Sex sells.  

 Throw in a little warped romance, AND bondage, erotica, and I guess moms are buying.   

Really mommies?  

 What are you looking for?  
 What are you longing for?    

5.”inner goddess” ?  while amateurish and immature writing at best, I will concede that we all might want to be “swept off our feet”  in a romantic fashion.   
Remember the old  “’Calgon take me away” commercial? 


 Or the present day Swiffer ones where the mom actually has time to have a cup of coffee? 

 Now THAT  is taking us away to fantasy land for sure!

6.If you want to be “swept off your feet” 

 hand your hubby the broom and tell him to get to work- my guess is he will rise to the occasion:)

7. To me, (and I admit I am not that smart,)  the crux of the problem of awful works like this one going off the charts,  is our terrible lack of true intimacy in today’s world.  With our spouse, with our children, with our friends.   

We text:  we don’t talk. 
 We facebook:  we don’t sit down face-to- face. 
We tweet: we don’t hang out with our sweeties.

8.You want true intimacy?  Try a real-ationship with your Jesus.  The best piece of literature besides scripture that I have ever read about that is still The Sacred Romance 

 by John Eldridge.  You can get it used on Amazon for about $1.00…  And you won’t have to hide behind your kindle to read 50 shades of anything.

9.I am enjoying a pre-WW2 series right now by Bodie Thoene.  


Hitler’s insane rise to power, and actually well written, imagine that?  Again, Amazon for a buck. 

Read something uplifting, leave the present day Lolita’s on the shelf, or better yet in the trash.

10 Most importantly, what does your Jesus think of all this? 

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

We pretty much know what He thinks.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

it's in the air & new beginnings

There is no mistaking it:

 it’s in the air. 

 Just this week we got a short respite from the heat and humidity here in Charlotte.  It makes me want to jump up and call the weatherman blessed:)  By Monday it could be 102 again with 100% humidity, but for now- ha-le-luuu- autumn is in the air.

 Fall is the best season for many reasons. The crispiness in the air is  #1.

2.Football is back, need I say more? Yaaaaaa Baby!

don't worry panthers fans, Cam will be better this Sunday:)

3.The colors are  superior in every way

4.Did I mention football?

fyi to Clemson fans:  my gamecocks will beat you again this year:)

5.The kids are back in school- a grade smarter

6.You guessed it -FOOTBALL

OK Baylor Bears- no more RG3  time to step it up!

7.It’s a time for new beginnings.

While we many times think of spring for our new beginnings, somehow for me, fall has always been that time...

 It’s the time when I breathe in deeply, exhale, and say, ”OK Lord- now is the time, I am really going to do it NOW” … Usually it has to do with running my race with my Jesus. 

Scripture has lots to tell us about new beginnings. When Jesus came to this earth it was a whole new deal.  Seemed a little “what in the cat hair  crazy for the Jewish folks at the time, but for those who joined Him, and decided to run the race with Him, 

 it was more than life was eternity changing.

Hebrews 9:15
For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.

WHAT in the Cat Hair? God’s Covenant with Abraham, Issac and Jacob replaced? It was unfathomable.

But True.

As a matter of fact, this new deal was foretold to us many times in the Old Testament :

Ezekiel 36:26
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

So what do you think? 
Are you ready to have your heart of stone replaced?
Are you ready to join this race with Jesus?
Have you been running this race for awhile- but it is time for a tune up? 


 Is it Time for a “new beginning”?

Fall is the time of year.    GO FOR IT.

It’s in the air…. Trust me.

Here is what Paul the apostle has to say:

Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of  our faith…”

So kids- join me in a new beginning. 

Run the race.

Who knows, you might just make a touchdown.  And if you don’t, if you fall down, like many racers or football players do… 

well, your God has that covered too.

Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
 for his compassions never fail.
 They are new every morning;
  great is His faithfulness.