Sunday, January 5, 2014


I like the Duggars......

you know.... that "nice" Christian family who have made a decent living recently by being pretty darn nice on TLC Network.  I believe they are sincere and sweet people.
Recently my daughter alerted me to a blog where the mom in another big, loveable, sincere and sweet Christian family dispenses marriage advice faster than Pez can belch out teensy rock candies.
In the below post- this self proclaimed, (a little in your face) stay-at-home-and-darn-proud-of-it-mom reminds all we wives of our wifely duties. 
 In a kind of: "follow this frappin formula or your marriage is doomed".... way.
to be completely honest with you, what she says does not bug me that much.... 
Aside from some of the sappy "stepford-wives" ish , "I just threw up in my mouth a little"  ones, (ie #9 smile at him, #18 keep the house tidy")
Most of what she says is probably over-simplified and a little trite.  Marriage is complicated at best, tender, and actually not susceptible to "pull-a-rabbit-out-of-your-hat" magical formulas. 
Some of what this author asserts with over-confidence is not terrible "advice". For the hubby AND the wife!
Especially if we do the obvious and FLIP IT:)
 Let me give you a few of my favorite ones to reverse:
#2Honor Her Wishes
Give weight to what your wife thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to her, whether it’s having dinner ready when she gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Don’t make her ask twice.
#3Give Her Your Undivided Attention
Yes, I know that men are masters of multi-tasking, (NOT) but when your wife is speaking to you, make a point to lay other tasks aside, look into her eyes, and listen to what she is saying with the goal of understanding and remembering her words.
#17Dress to Please Her
Take care of your appearance. Choose clothes your wife finds flattering, both in public and around the house.
#14Cherish Togetherness
I love to sit near my wife, whether at home or away. Our church shares potluck dinners every Sunday afternoon, and although the men and women normally sit separately to visit, I like to position myself close enough to my wife that I can listen to the conversation, as I think everything she says is so interesting. At home, I’ll take my book or handwork to whatever room in the house she’s working in, just to be close to her, because I enjoy her company, even when neither of us is talking.
#10Respond Physically Did you know that the way you respond (or don’t respond) to your wife's romantic overtures has a profound effect on her self-confidence? Don’t slap her away when she tries to hug you or make excuses when she’s in the mood. Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure her of your love, but will make her feel well-respected, too.
Ok kids, I think you are catching my drift:)
 What is good for the goose is definitely super good for the gander... 
Here is a sidebar for you:
The last 10 years many Christian authors have made a boatload of cash writing about how
women want LOVE
and men want RESPECT. 
We all want love AND respect.
 I will stake my not perfect but pretty darn good marriage of 34 years on that statement.
 My marriage is tender. We are both tenacious.
 My hunny still thinks I am the most fascinating person he has ever met:)
He is still my hero:)
Enough said about that.
NOW:  lets get down to what really bugs me about this nice "loving life at home" blogger. 
 The Duggars are nice folks.
This blogger is a nice lady.
This however, does not mean we all should have 19 or 20  or whatever kids ( I have lost track now) And not all of us can make our living by being sweet and nice on TLC.  
By the same token, not many of us can lead a pristine, charmed and entitled life where we do oodles of scrapbooking. (YIKES)
Budgeting tips, homeschooling input, parenting wisdom and marriage advice from an educated person with massive resources and a husband's huge income... is hard for many to relate to. 
 The mom living in the projects working 2 jobs while her husband is in prison can't relate.
Meti, my friend in Papua New Guinea while we lived there, can't relate.  She is busy trying to get enough food from her garden daily to feed her family.
The blueprint of this author's "life" is only attainable for a few wealthy, well-educated and probably white Americans. Probably 1% of the world's population.
Please don't get me wrong- this author is doing what she feels called to do- ( she could probably be the CEO of a fortune 500 Company) but it seems many times when those not as "fortunate" try to emulate, it is....
more complicated.
Stay at home moms and wives are wonderful.
Working moms  and wives are wonderful.
I have done both, and both are.... you guessed it,
I wish this particular blogger well- I hope she makes lots of cash on her new book. 
And I hope she gives it all to charity.
As for those fabulous Duggars~ enough kids already!
Just Sayin...


1 comment:

  1. Thanks, Denise!! Fab as always. I would give thoughts about it but it looks like lots of people have chimed in on FB already.