Thursday, January 16, 2014

TOP 10: "It DOES matter who U marry"

Recently I saw a  popular blog post called "It matters who you marry"  While it was pretty good, I did not agree with all of it.

Most people must love it,  however.  It is being expanded into a book in March.  You can view this blog here:

It seems to be written for a kind of a youth group audience- which actually is a good idea for youth group kids to be thinking about this stuff. 

My objections mostly come in the area of worrying how your beloved will provide for you.  When I was ga-ga over my husband to be, I was not worrying whether he would be the next Donald Trump, or a Doctor, Lawyer, or Indian Chief.

I figured we would provide for each other, I the best way we could, doing that together.  Which we have for the last 34 years.

What in the CAT HAIR could be better than that?

Becoming missionaries kind of ruled out the "Donald Trump" aspect of things-

 although my hunny did become a Dr., it did not really translate into more cash for us:)
But we have provided just fine for each other and our kids...

Mostly the above was a good blog post

You guessed it-

I have something much better!
Not written by me.

Dr. Tim wrote the below in reasoning with his oldest daughter one day long ago as she was throwing a mini tantrum. Anna was dating a great guy (her future husband) and was lamenting the possible loss of her Independent-Christian-Feminist "self".  In reality it was fear.  The fear we all feel in pondering possible marriage.

His response should be parlayed into a book or a fab movie or a talk show, but probably never will. With it he assured her that Matt was exactly what she needed. 

AND she still remains her Independent-Christian-Feminist "self", 4 years later. (even though she is married and has a baby:)
From the pen of the wisest man I know.
TOP 10! "It DOES matter who U marry"

1.Look for a selfless, considerate man who shows you respect and honor at every opportunity.  Guys who are self-absorbed jerks in their twenties are usually self-absorbed jerks in their thirties…sixties…and always.  If being an inconsiderate, rude baby works…gee…most guys will just go with it. Unfortunately, too many women put up with this kinda crap or they think they will change the guy.  Realistically, speaking as somebody in the change business…it's darn hard to get change even out of a motivated person.  It's nearly impossible to get change out of an unmotivated person.  Never waste your time on a project even one who seems loaded with potential.  If you need a project, buy a fixer upper house.  Find a man who is respectful, kind and knows how to treat a woman with honor.

2.Look for a man who fears of the Lord.  Find out if he truly understands the fear of the Lord.  Most Christians don't.  But you'll know if he really knows Christ if he can articulate his fear of Him.  To really know the Lord is to genuinely fear Him.  Warm fuzziness toward the Lord is as deficient as cool headiness.  A man who truly knows the Most High will fear Him.  If a man doesn't fear the Lord…he won't have appropriate fear in his relationship with you.  He needs to fear you, baby.  It's a good thing.  Shoot…you need to find a man that inspires fear in you too.

3.Look for a man who loves the Lord with passion and creativity.  This one should be fairly obvious.  If he loves Christ with his total attention and devotion and adoration…he will also know how to love you in the same ways.  I see too many crappy husbands who offer shallow and mechanical love to the Lord and their wives.  They love minimally with no passion.  A man who loves with consideration and knowledge and creativity and cleverness and effort and tenacity and determined thoughtfulness is rare.  A man should be passionate about you.  If he truly knows you…he will respond with appropriate enthusiasm.  You want a man who is zealous for your heart.  He is motivated to greater acts of love by the increasing knowledge of your soul.  If you find such a man…do not ignore him. 

4.Look for a man who is generous with his heart, his attention, his possessions and his affection.  A stingy cheap man is an abomination to the Lord.  I see many cheap and withholding men in my office all week long.  They love their darned computers and pitiful bank accounts more than they love God or their wives.  Do not commit yourself to a selfish stingy person.  A man who gives freely and joyfully is a godly man.  He reflects the heart of the Living God.  A grudging attitude toward giving and serving is a real bad sign.

5.Look for a man who knows who he is and remembers where he came from.  All of us are nothing without Christ.  Make sure the guy understands that concept…I mean really gets it.  Many say it…but few truly apprehend that truth.  A man who forgets what he was saved from is a foolish man.  He will think too highly of himself.  A humble man views himself with sober judgment.  He knows his strengths and he knows his weaknesses.  He knows that he needs the Lord.  A fool thinks he had something to do with his success.  A humble man knows that he isn't even in control of his own heart beat or his next step on his life's journey. 

6.Look for a man who is not afraid to work hard.  A lazy man is a weak man.  You look for someone who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.  Look for someone who isn't concerned about who does what or how much.  A strong man does what he has to do…as unto the Lord.  A lazy weak man does as little as possible to get by.  A man of God obeys the Scripture that says that whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your strength…especially when no one is watching. 

7.Look for a man who appreciates quality.  A man who understands quality will fall in love with your heart and will cherish it forever.  A man who doesn't know the difference in quality on an earthly level probably won't recognize the treasures of knowing the heart of God.  He won't see you as a treasure either.  You are a quality woman, sweetie.  You look for a man who recognizes your value.  He has to know quality when he see it.  If he doesn't know the difference between good and better and best…he isn't worthy of you.  He has to want the best and will not settle for less. The insistence on quality is important.  That caviler "close enough" or "good enough" attitude is not acceptable.   

8.Look for an honest man.  You cannot be in a close relationship with someone who hedges on the truth.  If you catch him in lies…run.  A dishonest man cannot be trusted.  You have to be able to depend on this person.  If he says he'll do it…he needs to do it.  If he says one thing and does another…don't look back.  If you have to "decode" what he says or translate it in terms of "what he really means"…let him go.  Realistically, "a man's word is his bond."  That's old school…but it's important.  If he is not a man of his word…he won't be a man of God's Word.  If he doesn't cherish and abide by his own word, he won't value and revere the Word of the Lord.  The Scripture is the Word of Truth. The Lord's Word is a big deal to Him.  His Word is Truth. That's Who He is.  If a man doesn't live out the truth in his own words…he's not worthy of you.

9.Look for a man who doesn't take himself too darn seriously.  Life gets pretty crazy…humor is not optional.  A man needs a sense of humor to keep things in perspective especially in terms of being able to laugh at himself.  If he sees irony in his own experience he probably has a sober view of himself.  If he can enjoy the funny turns of a phrase or an event…he can understand the cleverness of God.  The Lord is funny.  He isn't silly but He is darn quick on the draw.  The slow, dull witted, serious person does not reflect or appreciate the glory of the Lord.  And he sure isn't any fun.

10.Finally, I really believe a man needs to have a sense of his name.  You know how it is in the Word, honey.  A man's name is the description of his character.  A man needs to be covetous of what his name stands for.  I think I'm talking about integrity here.  The Lord does not allow His Name to be taken lightly…for good reason.  His Name represents Who He is.  We handle the Name with respect and caution…rightfully so.  A man should protect the meaning of his name.  He has to be aware of what people associate with his name.  I always had a funny name that was hard to pronounce.  But when people hear it…I hope it means something that accurately reflects the nature of my Lord.

So girls-get on out there, sniff around.

Don't settle for less than these top 10.

Stay single if that's  best for you.

But if there is someone who seems to pass the test:

Let the nuptials begin!



  1. Hi, Denise! I just read Dave McNeill's Monday Musings and saw this list written by Tim. I just had to look up your blog as I knew it would be fun to read! This list is great and I just sent Dave's email to my two nephews who have 8 kids between them and 6 of them are 16 and older! The oldest boy just got engaged last week. So...thank Tim for me. It's been a long time since we had a good laugh together!
    I'm still in Panama and will be until I move to heaven. My whole family is here. We are still working on the Buglere language project in Scripture Use stuff and I also work with an emerging Panamanian mission agency as their HR & member care person. Can you believe that!! Back in Personnel....thought it would never happen (not did I want it to), but God...

  2. aww thx judy- so great to hear from you! blessings to u and your whole fam there in Panama!