Relationships and Physics? YUP

Hi kids- another treat this week as you get to hear from Dr Sieges on relationships.  I consider him smarter than Dr Phil, or Dr Oz, or even Judge Judy about this topic-  Last week Ky, Bud's girlfriend asked him to blog for her about relationships.  For those of you who don't know my husband, he is the Clinical Director of Wycliffe Counseling Ministries.  He has years and years of experience in relational counseling.  The blog  was so good I am sharing again here- so listen up, learn, and enjoy:)

I consider myself a relationship engineer. 

It’s true. 

Relationship engineer sounds so much cooler than marriage and family counselor...

Engineers design and build stuff out of steel and electricity and dirt.  I do that too but with human emotion, behavior and motivation.  In my world, every person who walks through the door is dealing with a relationship issue of some kind.  Without exception, we are all connected to someone in some way.  In the field of relationship engineering, marriage has the most moving parts so is more prone to frequent break downs.

 

 That’s why we need people like me.

The following are a few principles of marital thermodynamics.  The originators of these insights vary from farmers to pastors.  They are guys giving advice about wives or wife procurement but each could just as easily be applied the other way around.  I am convinced that Proverbs 31 is as much the biblical pattern for a virtuous man as it is for women.  So shift the genders on the following principles as needed.  They fit both.  The list isn’t exhaustive.  These are just my five favorites.  The first three involve mate selection.  The last two involve mate maintenance. 

Principle 1:  Pastor Tommy Nelson; Denton Bible Church; Denton, TX.  “If you’re single, and you want to know who to marry, run as hard and as fast as you can toward Jesus.  And if, out of the corner of your eye, you see somebody running in the same direction at the same speed, pull up along side and have a closer look.” 

 

  Well said, Tommy.  As you pursue Christ with your whole heart, take a look around at the other hearts doing the same.  It’s the starting place in relational design.  Do not miss this step.  It’s the big one and it has worked out real well for me for 32 years.

Principle 2:  Willie Palaniuk; farmer; Dexter, OR.  “Try to find yourself a good German girl.  They will work in the fields all day and not complain.  The German girls expect to work.  If you find one, marry her.” 

  Great input from a Ukrainian farmer.  One slight amendment:  If you can’t find a hardworking German girl, take a hard working (fill in the ethnic/national origin) girl.  The message is clear.  Make sure you check out that person’s work ethic.  If he/she is lazy at work, you can bet they will be lazy at love.  Marriage is work.  Make sure you choose someone who puts forth effort and diligence and commitment everyday all day.  I did and Willie was right.

Principle 3:  Tim Sieges, Relationship Engineer, Wycliffe Bible Translators.  “Check out potential spouses with this question:  Hey hon, what do you think about quitting our jobs, selling all our stuff and going to serve the Lord in the highlands of Papua New Guinea? 

 

 If the answer is “Sounds good to me.  I can book the flights.” you may need to marry that one.  Even if you never leave your hometown, you will want someone who loves a great adventure of faith.  Hardworking German girls who genuinely love the Lord usually give an affirmative answer to the above question.  Mine did and then we had a great time doing it. 

Principle 4:  Edward R. Sieges; Cattle Rancher; Ronan, MT.  “Son, there are three things you should never be cheap about:   Your boots, your cattle or gifts for your wife.”  That’s what my dad used to say.  He felt like you were better off barefoot than wearing cheap cowboy boots.  And he would never put our brand on funny looking, mongrel cattle.  But most of all, he was never cheap or stingy with gifts he bought for mom.  A quality woman deserves quality gifts.  Dad was sometimes cheap about dogs and horses but he always lavished good things on my mom. Lord, help me if I do not honor my wife in the same way.

Principle 5:  Paul; An Apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God; Tarsus, Syria and beyond.  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…”  Ephesians 5:25.  There’s more before and after that verse but if you master this part you’ll do well. 

 I have to check myself against that verse every day.

 I have rarely had someone come into my office and ask me for new and creative ways to demonstrate this kind of selfless, sacrificial love.  People usually want me to direct them to innovative and productive strategies for changing their spouses, not themselves. 

 Paul sets the bar high.  Christ’s complete and ultimate sacrifice for His bride is the standard.

 Everything below death-on-a-cross is sub-par.

  Don’t expect a trophy and a cookie for doing less.  I don’t.

Well there you have it.  If you practice these 5 principles, life will not be perfect, but you will be miles ahead of the pack.

Lord bless you very much as you practice  

 

healthy relational physics.